𝚙𝚎𝚘𝚙𝚕𝚎, 𝙸 𝚗𝚎𝚎𝚍 𝚙𝚎𝚘𝚙𝚕𝚎.
Let’s be clear.
I started the day near tears.
And have like 5 solid reasons to.
I fell asleep last night off-patterned with the baby. Caleb fed her for me and let me sleep (thank you) which through off pumping schedule over night. 😬🤱🏻
My eight year old had her tonsils and adenoids out and tubes put in her ears. We’re on a tight med schedule. Thank goodness Caleb was on top of it because someone 🙋🏼♀️ can’t find the ability to read and follow directions.
My friend Maggie showed up at my house this morning right on time as I’m unraveling.
Baby needs to eat be changed
Grace needs meds and is complaining she’s starving
🐾 Hazel STARTED HER 🔴 #YOUGUYS
Caleb shares.. “I have a cold.” 🙅🏼♀️
These are all basic things. Things I could usually handle and it wouldn't even be a blip on my radar. Not in my current state. The smallest thing can get added to the mix and I feel like I'm imploding.
Caleb stayed up late for the girls and woke up late and when he asked me what help I needed I literally stuttered, gagged on my own thoughts.
And yelled at him, like yelled. 🤪
I can’t express the degree of frustration not feeling like myself. Operating half-mast. I feel so desperately impaired and I hate it.
Out of control. It’s the reason I don’t drink. I don’t like feeling impaired, not driving my own bus. There's a deep insecurity for me when I can’t. It grates against my internal messaging: "You have to figure it out, do it on your own, and not be lazy." It can take me in a variety of directions:
I can show up strategic, independent and industrious, OR get stuck in a pit of perfectionism, isolation and shame.
My friend Maggie listened to me spew my nonsense, all the spiraling details that landed me frustrated up until that point. Being a friend to a mom who also has three kids, she knows how to go halfsies with me and life in conversation. We start and stop the same story eight times, circle back to complete them when we remember, and never judge each other in the process.
She validated my struggle and held my baby.
My bestie Liz showed up an hour later and both she and Maggie sat with me while I sorted my business shipping. Now, I love servicing my business. It feels like a special privilege. People need what I have and I’m grateful to be in the conversation with them about possibilities of better for them. However things come in waves and sometimes it seems too much just to open my Paypal and process.
I needed moral support. Just someone to sit and talk to me while I print and pack.
I put my game face on for 90 minutes of business calls to move life forward. I have an aggressive goal to build on while I’m on maternity leave and thankfully I have partners who don’t let me fail on important details when my brain likely would.
Just a few moments later... "bing-bong"...my friend Katie shows up and drops off a much needed pot of homemade soup that was absolutely delicious. MAY THE LORD BE PRAISED!
This is just ONE day where multiple people have supported our family. I'm overwhelmed and humbled by it. The night before we picked up our paid for dry cleaning and flowers of our porch...who does things like this?
People, I need people. 😌
I’m getting better at expressing my needs. I'm getting more comfortable accepting help for where I'm deficient and I’m sure grateful for it. I can’t say it enough.
THANK YOU for helping me and being my friends.
And thank you - YOU who witness my life and encourage me on while our family is flip flopping and floundering in life.
You make a mega difference for me.